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Just want some head. Hung single white male. Looking for a real crazy one, who fell off her rocker long ago Good Day. If you are reading this, first i must sincerely apologize to your brain for what it is about to absorb. Initially i though i had done everything right, go to and get good grades, CHECK. After that, go to college and get good grades, CHECK. Join the military and serve our country, CHECK. Get a good job and buy a house, CHECK. Ok check check check, now why the hell can i not meet a normal nice woman?! Since i am presently unable of figuring this out i have decided to stop looking for a nice girl, and replace her with some sort of psycho lowlife which i have been consistently meeting out in the dating world anyway. First, let us discuss out relationship. Im the kind of guy who typiy opens doors, carries groceries, luggage, and send flowers. I am assuming with the girl i should meet she will not expect those things and instead just want a home that has a door to open and close, has a refrigerator with food in it (who cares who carried that shit in)luggage, shes not going to give a fuck about that, and flowers.. she just may be happy with the foliage planted around the house. I am not into specific gender roles but would at least appreciate after you have sat on your fat ass all day my hard earned money away on the Home Shopping Network you can have some damn food ready for me. You dont need to go all out, ill be happy with a sandwich or something... hell even bologna may work. Following dinner, i may help clean up but throwing away the paper plates we now use because you have probably broken all of the nice stuff during a temper tantrum, or traded it for god knows what. Following clean up, when i sit on the couch i dont want to hear you bitch when i switch on ESPN to watch the highlights, after all the couch has a permanent indentation from you reside all day drinking PBR tall boys and smoking Virgina Slims with the HSN on. Let me watch my highlights with out having to hear about the bullshit gossip you have collect from the neighbors throughout your rigorous day being a home maker, or hear you bitch about the mail being late. What i am more concerned about is which new method of screwing up my life and have to come up with today? Now sex. I am a man, and i have a penis. It is there for a reason, and i enjoy using it. You being a woman, hopefully, have a that i would like to take advantage of. You already make my life miserable all while i give you everything you need and want. I expect that you give it up at least a few times a week. When i am laying the pipe banging you within an inch of your meaningless life, please moan or make a pleased face, or act like you are into it. I am here doing my best work tearing you up, it is all that i ask. When you are on your period, i dont care. I understand if you may not feel comfortable or some shit, fine, but you know what? Your mouth is not broken, horney Macclesfield wives and this dick is not going to suck its self. I keep my self well groomed, and expect you to do the same. You are home all day, wasting away, so take a damn razor to your x 's bush and trim it. When i go down on you it is not to floss, so i dont want any hair down there. A landing strip is ok, possibly even a heart or some shapes may be acceptable. Use some discretion about the length, and keep it maintained. The same goes for your legs and arm pits, i am a member of the dollar club for a reason. Take advantage of these cheap razors and get rid of the hair, that includes unsightly mustaches and side burns. I dont want to feel sand paper when i slide between your legs, or see a fucking taranchula under your pits. Most of all, we live in florida and i dont plan on moving. We go to the beach and wear shorts a lot, furry legs and not allowed. Life. I have friends and i intend on keeping them. From you, i expect that you act like you were raised in civilization and not on an African safari. If you are fortunate enough for me to take you out to eat with my friends, use your silverware. They give you a fork and a knife for a reason, use both. A fork is for stabbing, and the knife is for cutting, you can use them simultaneously. I may have just blown your mind but this is something we can work on. The same goes for the napkin, it is there to wipe your mouth when your uncoordinated ass get food all over. Clean up the accident. In public i am ok with some hand holding, and a little kissing, but dont take this over board. We are not back on your block where you grew up and fucked all the boys in the woods. We are with my friends and they do not care to see your droopy tits fall out of your shirt as you act like an asshole trying to me off under the table. I appreciate the effort, but save it for the BJ on the way home. If we get into an argument out, you better keep your fucking cool. I will not mother fuck you in public, so you will not do it to me. You will not hit me, otherwise you can expect retaliation. You are probably a bruit of a woman, and therefore it may be ok to fight back as long as i am defending myself, so keep that in mind when you have too many PBR's. All in all, if you are a really gutter rat psycho, i am looking for you. Since my searches for good woman always end me with lunatics, i am trying to help someone out and give them something they would have never had. 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